If I didn't have my friends and my aunt there, I think I would have broke down on my birthday weekend.  Lisa and Ana were the main ones there for me and kept me going.  Friday night, we went out, yes I know I know I have been gaining weight, well it was obvious when my pants ripped! hahaha  Yes, they ripped!  So that didn't help the rest of my night. I will just leave that at that.

 

Then Saturday, I had mainly planned for my family to be with me but my friends were more than welcomed to come.  Well, let me start by saying that day I knew I had to make some changes for myself, I've always done WAY TOO much for my brother and dad that when I called them to see if they were coming, it was like a knife in my heart and they twisted it to make it hurt more.  They didn't come.  My Aunt, April, her friend and Marcus (1) came out and we had a great time!!  But after they left, I was alone and cried the rest of the weekend.  How could my family not want to be there for ME!  I mean it was suppose to be my day, I wanted to be with them! 

 

So its all about me and my kids and everyone who has never let me down and has stood by my side and been there for me and my kids.  I can't do it anymore.  I've prayed about it and I just feel, its time for me to let go and keep moving on with my kids and my life.

 

My Birthday

If I didn't have my friends and my aunt there, I think I would have broke down on my birthday weekend.  Lisa and Ana were the main ones there for me and kept me going.  Friday night, we went out, yes I know I know I have been gaining weight, well it was obvious when my pants ripped! hahaha  Yes, they ripped!  So that didn't help the rest of my night. I will just leave that at that.

 

Then Saturday, I had mainly planned for my family to be with me but my friends were more than welcomed to come.  Well, let me start by saying that day I knew I had to make some changes for myself, I've always done WAY TOO much for my brother and dad that when I called them to see if they were coming, it was like a knife in my heart and they twisted it to make it hurt more.  They didn't come.  My Aunt, April, her friend and Marcus (1) came out and we had a great time!!  But after they left, I was alone and cried the rest of the weekend.  How could my family not want to be there for ME!  I mean it was suppose to be my day, I wanted to be with them! 

 

So its all about me and my kids and everyone who has never let me down and has stood by my side and been there for me and my kids.  I can't do it anymore.  I've prayed about it and I just feel, its time for me to let go and keep moving on with my kids and my life.

 

My son is 7

Time just flew by!   My son turned 7 yesterday and its been a month since I've seen him.  He was at his father's for summer vacation, got him back on his birthday and it hit me "He's not a baby anymore" he's grown so much and acts like a "big boy" hahaha   He wont let me kiss him in public cause its embarrassing!  He walks around like he is that man of the house!  Which technically he is the only boy in my home!  We missed him so much and now he is finally home and another year older.

 

 

 

We're On!

        HAPPY FATHER'S DAY DADDY!!!

        So last week I wrote to TXA 21 to have my father nominated for the Father's Day makeover!!!  So of course Tracey Kornet emails me and tell me that my father got it!!!  I was so excited!!  So I called my dad and he is like "but thats not me... I appreciate the thought, etc etc" so I told him "Ok I'll talk to you later" and hung up.  I kinda started tearing up a bit because I really wanted this for my dad.  My dad has been single for at least 15 years!!!  His life had always revolved around us and he never makes time to get out there and find someone!  So I called him back about 15 mins later and tell him "You know what, I have decided, you are going.  We did this for you and you cannot turn it down.  Come on, how many dad's get to experience something like this with their children.  You are going!!!"  haha So he gave in! haha  We had a blast!!  Tracey was only there for about 5 minutes but she was great!  She told me I was crazy (who woulda thunk?) and that I was really cute! he he  By the way I love watching TXA21, the whole team is funny to me anyways.  He got a new outfit!!  New hair do!!  My daddy looks great!! Now I just need a picture to post!  Hoping my brother sends me one!!

        My dad isnt use to the look but he looks great!! So time to get him out there and find someone for my daddy!

Quick update

Ok Alex was transferred to Sugar land, Tx.  Which is about 4 hours away!!!  He thought he was getting out but its just another transferred.  His family I guess panicked and his mom offered to buy dinner Tuesday night, and they were too busy to watch my kids so that I could work the MUCH needed OT BUT then called me Saturday morning saying "You can bring the girls after 5"....  DEEP BREATH...  "I wont be able to"  response "Huh??" and I said again "Im sorry I wont be able to"...  " Ummm ok"...  "Ok bye! (in a cheery voice)"   So I think when his mother comes at 8 tomorrow night to bring dinner I am going to have a talk with her and tell him that I am not a charity case and if you cant come and spend time with the girls on at least Alex's weekends then Id rather not have them come by and drop off food especially when they eat AT the restaurant first and then bring the food by!!  We eat dinner at 6 and she doesn't come till after 7:30... she's bought the kids dinner twice before and both times asked what time we eat dinner and I have told her 6 but she doesn't come till after 7:30....  Its like they are always taking care of his sisters kids and they are too busy for my girls then makes up excuses that they cry at night.... Well who ever said they HAD to spend the night??  Whatever, I just need to know if they are gonna spend time with them or not!!  Serina is feeling pretty left out since my son always goes to his father's house and Alex isn't around and she is always with me, which I love!!!  I just want her to have somewhere to go when my son isn't around so that she feels wanted ya know.  But apparently its too much too ask.  They are always taking her sister, Natalie, out skating, swimming and stuff so what is so hard about taking her sister??  If I have to pay for wherever they are going, just let me know!!!    I really just needed to vent and put it out there cause its just not fair to my girls!!

Ever since my sister left her husband its like she forgot that I have to work OT, she doesn't watch my kids anymore cause she is too busy partying with my mom.  Needless to say me and my mom are not talking.  I hate that our relationship has always been like this, I grew up with her always putting me down, over working me, never paying attention to me and everything was my fault.  "Its her life, she is always busy" and to me that mean I/my family and me are not apart of her life and when I pointed that out to her, she ignored that and say "I can't help if you are stuck in your ways"  WHAAAAT?  So, I just let her be, she wont change, she never will and I am tired of trying to make her be a part of my life....

I missed church last Sunday cause I hurt my back and was in pain up until Saturday, I think I just needed to rest and relax my back so today I am feeling better.  I went to church yesterday, I love being there its like it reenergizes me for the week!!  I love it!!!  I feel good, its going to be a good week, I know it!!  It has too!

Im ok!

I have been so busy at work its crazy!  My youngest daughter turned 2 on March 17th!  I baked a strawberry cake with strawberry slices on top, LaJuana and my babysitters family came and had so much fun!

Serina ended up cutting her hair!!  "But mommy I didn't want to wait anymore I wanted my hair short"  Arrrrrg! hahaha  She is still really really cute but I am not a short hair type of person but my daughter pulls it off very well!

My son has been with his father since the 13th and he finally came back yesterday!  I missed him so much!!  We went to IHOP to eat and they had a Dr Seuss theme going on so they had pancakes with pink and purple syrup and kissables sprinkled on top with a lollipop in the middle and their drink was 7-up with red and blue Jell-O pieces in it THEY LOVED IT!!

I know this is JUST A PHASE Im going through.  Don't take the following serious! hahaha  I miss being held at night.  A good man to call me and ask how my day went.  Someone that misses me and I miss them.  Even just have him think of me.  Ya know, I have been feeling down a little lately, don't know why really.  I've been reading my Bible everyday like always and praying but I don't think Im ready to let go.  To let go of the feeling that I want someone by my side.  I know with me being a single mother of 3 little ones it will be hard for a man to accept me and my kids.  I think the main problem is that they will think they will have to "support" my children, ya know, they wont understand that I don't want someone to "support" my children, I do that that's my responsibility and honestly I don't want to share that! hahaha But only accepts them and respects them and is there for me.

DEEP BREATHE

I took a 5 day "vacation" from my job!  It was so nice, I ate way to much, did a lot of running around that was needed, SHOPPED (wow its been years since I've said that without having graceries a part of that word hahaha) got me 3 pair of jeans that I can wear and not have my stomach in my chest! hahaha Ok it wasnt that bad but still! Got my kids a lot of what they needed my girls really pretty dresses and my son 3 pairs of suits for church!  THEY ARE SO CUTE!!!!  I treated my self out to eat once a day, still took my kids to the babysitter and had time to myself!  It was nice and very much needed!

THEN I come back to work and wow taking a vacation the work piles up! hahaha I've been busting my butt to catch up and then my sup gives me a project of 5000 accounts to work on! SOOOO YEA I need another one! hahaha

My children have been good, they got their bunk beds set up this past Sunday and they love it!!  My back really paid for it and still is!  I am so hard-headed I had plenty of people i could have called to help but did I?  Nope!  I'll get over myself one day! hahaha  I've been baking cakes and stuff with my kids and they are enjoying the extra time I am able to have with them now.  Its good :)

DRAMA
 
I talked to Fidel (ex-hubby) and he told me the 2 craziest things yesterday.  First of all, he wants to go 50-50 custody with my son Fidel!  Um no!  Never will I give up my kids, he had his chance to have 50-50 but he wanted all or nothing!  So be it, God turned the tables and has blessed me and my children and there is no way I will ever give that up!  He said he was tired of driving back and forth during the weekdays to get him to and from school and that he wanted him to go to school there and I replied back "I did it for over a year and not once did I complain, he's your son, you are his father you do what you have to do, but its your choice cause I will not let him go, so if you continue to keep taking me to court even if its been 10 years I will be there!"  Secondly, I asked him about this house he supposively bought and I told him that he was suppose to notify me within 30 days.  He told me he hadnt moved into the house yet and when he does he will notify me.  And I asked him "Also, I would like to ask you something, and its completely up to you but if your girlfriend moves in with you I would like to meet her since she is going to be a major part of my kids lives and if you say no then ok that's your descision" and he replied "Hell no!" and I told him "First of all please do not answer me like that, if you say no the ok" and he goes "Just to let you know (and he said this so cold) I will never marry or live with another female again.  It will never be the same as me and you.  No woman will ever make me feel the way I did again"   WOW!  I didnt know what to say to him, I just said "Well if that's how you feel then so be it, you never know when that woman will come along and change your mind" and he said "Why do you care, you are out there dating?" and I said "I am not dating and you are the father of my son so I do care to a certain point" and then he ended the call by saying "Well whatever, I will just see you in court"

You know it hurts me sometimes to be so "mean" but you know what God has a plan for my family and I know it involves all my children together.  He has made me so strong and able to handle everything that has happened and He continues to bless us in ways I never dreamed of!!  I dont laugh or try to "talk down" on anyone because its not how it works.  I want me and my ex hubby to have a good parenting relationship but I just wish he wasnt so cold and then it seems he is taking it out on other women.  I had always treated him right, I have always been good to him, never tried to be vendictive and when he took my children away from me, at that point I knew what I had to do.  All I did was fight for my children back! 

Well I will end this for now... need to get back to work.